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I am a Procrastinating Failure... Time for change!

Well... hello there!

I have had a blog for several years on another platform and have posted from time to time on various things.  At the beginning of 2018, I could see that some things were changing in my world.  Nothing dramatic - just changes.  What was changing, you ask?  It seemed like everything and everyone... except me.😕 So I did some thinking, some research and decided to begin a new journey of sorts and found myself creating this blog on Blogger.  I am excited and can't wait to see where I am in a year. 

One morning I woke up and it just hit me.  I. Was. Not. Happy.  Who was I even?!  I honestly wasn't sure, but I knew that I wanted to figure it out and fix whatever was broken.  So I decided to write down the facts and then do a little soul searching to figure out the rest.

The Facts

  1. I am a mom.  First and foremost, I am a mother of 3 AMAZING children and that will always come before anything else.
  2. I am attached - meaning I have a significant other.  We aren't actually married, but we have been together since 2007 and while he may drive me insane at times, I can't imagine being attached to anyone else.
  3. I want to be a good friend.
  4. I want to be successful in my career.  What career?  That is to be determined, eventually.
That's it.  Seriously.  Those are the facts I came up with.  To start the soul-searching process I thought I would begin with evaluating the facts:

I am a mom.


I have always wanted to be a mom.  More than anything.  Early on, I didn't think it was in the cards for me. (A different post for another day.)  However, I have been blessed with 3 amazing children and truthfully I would like to have another.  The Mr. isn't too keen on the idea though and I'm nearing my personal preferred cut-off age so I think three is what it will be.  Currently, they are 18, 16 and 6.  Blake is a Senior this year, Alli is a Sophomore and Liam is in Kindergarten.  That's right - I have one going out and one going in.  I'm totally ok with that.  My kiddos keep me feeling young. ♥  

Alas, I am a worrier. 😟  I worry about everything, all the time.  I worry so much that none of my children know how to swim - I never got them lessons for fear of what might happen.  Now that my oldest two are teenagers they can't even go swimming with their friends.  My oldest is 18 and doesn't have a drivers license.  He didn't really care to have one at 16 and I was ok with driving him everywhere.  Now he drives all over town with his friends and that makes me worry even more.  My worrying has actually made things worse.  That needs to change so I can be the best mom I can be and make the best decisions I can for them.

Drivers Ed is being set up for Alli this week and we are scheduling Blake to start his adult driving classes. 🚗  Since he is 18 he can't take the class with his sister.  I also told them we should find adult swimming lessons this summer.  Progress.🏊

I am attached.


For better or for worse, he is stuck with me. 💑 The Mr. and I aren't actually married, but we have been together since the end of 2007 and honestly, I can't imagine being with anyone else.  There are days when he drives me nuts and days when I am in absolute mad love.  There are days when I think I'd like to punch him in the face and days when I just want to snuggle up next to him and take a nap.  We don't always agree - but we never fight.  We disagree and often agree to disagree.  But we totally balance each other out.  He puts up with my sassiness and I... well, I don't punch him in the face. ♥

However, I feel inferior and have tiny self-esteem issues.  I do not always budget well, I collect clutter and I am a terrible cook.  Not to mention that he and I rarely spend quality time together.  All of that needs to change.  Love deserves time and I need to figure out how to re-work my priorities.

I am currently sorting out all of the things I really don't need to keep for any sane reason.  We are having a yard sale in a few weeks and anything that doesn't sell goes on the curb.  I have been planning meals and have already cooked two meals this week - and no one got sick! 😉  Just kidding, I'm not that terrible of a cook, I just don't really understand spices and such.  I'll get there.  As for the self-esteem issues that I've battled with my entire life... yoga? meditation?  I'm not sure about that yet, but I'll figure it out. 

I want to be a good friend.


I have 3 very good friends that I speak to almost every day, thanks to the Marco Polo app.  (I love this app and I added links at the bottom of this post so that you can check it out.)  They are the almost mystical *true friend* variety.  They would do just about anything for me - and often have - even if it put them out.  I appear to be very fun, out-going and friendly, so I make friends pretty easy.  I have a billion acquaintances that I've met over the years that I enjoy chatting with as well.  I am a lucky girl in that aspect.♥ 

I cannot say that I am the best friend I could be.  I know that I enjoy spending time with my kids and "working" (we'll get to that in the next section), but I rarely make time to spend with friends.  That must change.  What is life without friendship?  Loneliness, sadness, despair.  I don't want that for me.  I would bet that if you asked my three besties if I was a good friend, they would say yes.  I think that is mainly because THEY are such good friends.

I am going to start messaging someone weekly that I haven't talked to in a while just to ask how they are doing.  Whether it be text, Facebook Messenger, Marco Polo, some other social media platform or sending something in the mail - I would like to reach out to someone weekly.  I also want to take one day a month and spend it with a friend, even for just a few hours.  Whether it be a movie or bingo with Bonnie or painting and wine with Stacy or lunch with a friend - I want to take at least 1 day a month and give back - selflessly.🌞

I want to be successful in my career.


Doesn't everyone? Probably.  Is everyone? Definitely not.  So what is the secret?  I thought long and hard about this and I think I have figured it out!  Career success isn't a thing - it's not tangible.  You can't scoop it up and squeeze it.  There are a ton of definitions out there - but I disagree with most of them.  I personally don't think there is a defining moment in one's career that defines success.  Sure, you can go from rags to riches and become a billionaire - that's pretty successful.  You can become a dancer after a tragic accident that damaged your legs.  You can become a world-famous author after bombing English in high school and being known as the person most likely to be caught sleeping in class.  You can do amazing things that can all be considered successful.  But success is different for everyone.  For me, it's not a moment in time, it's a feeling.  A fullness in your chest that swells with pride.♥ 

Unfortunately, some days I feel like a procrastinating failure. 👀  The truth is, I am a wreck.  Maybe I have ADHD and have a hard time focusing.  Some people might just say I'm lazy.  Either way, it has to change.  I don't like the "me" that I've become.  I like parts of me, but I definitely see room for improvement.

Please take a second to hop over and read my bio.  I talk a bit about my careers 💬📚📷📊 (yep, more than one) and faves there.  I would love to connect on social media as well.  I hope you'll follow my journey and perhaps my words will help you through yours.  The bottom line is that I have an amazing family, wonderful friends and the desire to make a difference in the lives of people.  I have started with the facts and I know what I want.  I need to take it one day at a time, think things through, be a little more selfless and just get up and do it.  Time to get happy.♥

(Also - I really like emoticons, it's a little fixation, like the one I have with washi tape. And hearts.♥)

Cat


Just me.  Excited about all of the good things to come. ♥



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